Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Gangs adopt second holiday hangouts

Record numbers of London gangs are taking on second bus stops in the subburbs to hangout in at weekends and holidays, according to research today. However the affluent, city gangs are driving suburban ones out and local businesses are suffering from the downturn in trade.

Gangs such as the Peckham Misfits, have taken on a bus stop near the main train station in in Surbiton, Surrey, in addition to their main hangout in Peckham Rye. This new location is exclusively for weekend and holiday use.

Gang leader, Ryu Chaps said: "We use it just like our London stop. We stand around, drink cheap cider, inimidate passers-by, and graffitti."

There's a dark side to the story however. Local shopkeepers whose survivcal depends on regular, nightly sales of cheap alcohol, cigarette papers and graffiti pens and spray paint, are suffering from the lack of regular trade.

Kenny Snash, who owns Snash Stores, near the Surboiton bus stop adopted by the Peckham Misfits said: "I need regular, local trade from local thugs or else I'll go under. This weekend-only trade is killing me."

Man defends 999 'wank bank raid' call

East Dulwich, London - A local man who called 999 last night to report a raid on his 'wank bank' today defended his actions.

After a night at the local EDT pub with friends, John Carmichael, called 999 and requested police arrest a friend who was attempting to rob his 'bank' of masterbatory fantasy material.

According to caller, his pal, Glen Calzone, had spent the evening encouraging him to describe every girl in his mental onanism directory. According to Carmichael, Calzone wrote details of every female down - even drawing pictures - for his own auto-erotic use.

Carmichael made the 999 call as soon as he returned home, insisting that police visit Calzone and charge him with 'wank bank' robbery.

Commenting on the case local police superintendent, Glenda Wigwam, said: "Carmichael undermined his charge by volunteering the information to the accused, without apparent resistance. In this supposed wank bank robbery, Carmichael opened the door and welcomed Calzone in. besides that, there is no law against this kind of robbery - it's not illegal."