East Dulwich, London - A local man who called 999 last night to report a raid on his 'wank bank' today defended his actions.
After a night at the local EDT pub with friends, John Carmichael, called 999 and requested police arrest a friend who was attempting to rob his 'bank' of masterbatory fantasy material.
According to caller, his pal, Glen Calzone, had spent the evening encouraging him to describe every girl in his mental onanism directory. According to Carmichael, Calzone wrote details of every female down - even drawing pictures - for his own auto-erotic use.
Carmichael made the 999 call as soon as he returned home, insisting that police visit Calzone and charge him with 'wank bank' robbery.
Commenting on the case local police superintendent, Glenda Wigwam, said: "Carmichael undermined his charge by volunteering the information to the accused, without apparent resistance. In this supposed wank bank robbery, Carmichael opened the door and welcomed Calzone in. besides that, there is no law against this kind of robbery - it's not illegal."
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