Bushy tree bastards - or 'squirrels', as the BBC calls them - have carried out a series of daring daylight raids on vegetable plots and allotments, robbing gardeners of the very veggies grown to fight off the worsening credit crisis.
The news comes as the Daily Telegraph reports that humans are also stealing from allotments, in a bid to help give newspapers straws to clutch at to fill blank pages.
Boom fruit
Plots and allotments have enjoyed a depressing boom in recent years, with tight-arses turning their back on expensive imports found at upmarket boutique strores like Lidl and Aldi, instead using their green fingers as a way of saving on fruit and vegetable bills.
Twat-faced
However, it would now seem that the tree rats - or 'squirrels', if you're twat-faced animal pornographer, Bill Oddie - are taking advantage of this green revolution.
Root-themed
The bushy bandits made off with broccoli and broad beans in Grimely Grumed, near Lancaster, allotment, while other sites in the region have also reported root-themed thefts.And the ratty-toothed big tails aren't stopping at vegetables, with strawberry burglaries also reported.
DiCKs
Harry Phwoar, chairman of the Department in Charge of Kitchen-Gardeners (DiCKs) is concerned the problem could get worse as the economic outlook worsens.
"With squirrels taking up to two strawberries per plot, families are in sever danger of starving."
Someone called Lynda said: "It's heart-breaking."
Kevin, a man, spoke to us. He leaned in, raised an eyebrow, tapped his nose and whispered: "Prraakkkkkkchlotu!"
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