Publicist spills pint, fails to spin way out of subsequent fight

Slick West End publicist Sir Max Cliffe was recovering in hospital today after being beaten up in a Mayfair bar last night, following an incident where he spilled a tray of drinks that a fellow customer was carrying.

Celebrating a new business success with colleagues, Cliffe was re-telling the dramatic story of the win when the trouble started. Using increasingly dynamic and unpredictable gestures to punctuate his points, he backed into John Snatch, who was carrying a tray of drinks including Guinness and red wine from the bar to his group of friends. Excitedly wind-milling his arms and dancing back into Snatch, Cliffe sent the 6’4’’ man flying. A soaking, stained and furious Snatch confronted Cliffe who, on instinct, tried to spin the incident with an unsuccessful salvo of flip missives.

Cliffe tried to convince the married, semi-professional rugby player, Snatch that: “You look hot, wet – I could get you a front cover of gay bible, Attitude magazine looking lie that”; and that “red wine stains are all the rage in trendy Hoxton – I know Pete Doherty’s stylist and she’d give you one, particularly if you gave her a half ounce of skag.” However, the legendary spinning skills that usually give Cliffe the victorious 'punch the air' feeling of victory, this time resulted in a punch in the face misery, as Snatch rained down blows.

Horror stricken across their faces as they looked on, Cliffe’s colleagues fled, citing lateness for various vital West End dinner reservations.