Showing posts with label PR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PR. Show all posts

Monday, December 11, 2006

Xmas party polls top Xmas polls poll shocker

It’s not shocking! But it's official! Xmas party polls top our Public Relations Professionals’ (PROs) Favourite Xmas polls poll list, 2006.

Britain’s battalions of brand publicists are unleashing Xmas party polls at a rate of more than 5 per day – that’s a whopping 35 per week, according to a simple arithmetic equation designed to patronise readers.

The festive party stories, meant to generate publicity in the nation's newspapers, radio airwaves and televisual broadcast beams, are thrashing lesser counterparts such as research-based stories about crap towns.

Here at your friendly neighbourhood Pop Culture Phrasebook, we've scaled the greasy PR pole to get a bird's eye view of the battle for Yule-time column inches. And we're proud to bring you some highlights from the blizzard of festive party stories that are bound to get you in the party mood. Fortunately, the findings are reasuringly trite and predicatable, so they won't tax your emotional or mental energy reserves:

  • Bosses can be mean about giving workers money and time for Xmas partying, says GMI Europe
  • People spend money at Xmas parties, according to Cornhill Direct
  • Norwich Union reckons that hangovers from Xmas parties make you feel ill
  • Cleaners attend less Xmas parties than some other workers, such as Xmas party organisers, says British Cleaning Council
  • People have Xmas party antics such as flirting with colleagues, finds found Nandos
  • Drunks lose phones when hammered, says T-Mobile
Digging deeper into the fascinating pop cultural phenomenon of the Xmas party PR poll story, the PCP made yet another jaw-dropping, knee-trembling, throat-parching discovery.

The word 'poll' was the number one most favouritist way to describe the sampling of consumer opinions on the subject of Xmas parties. 'Poll' easily beat lesser nouns 'survey' and 'research' - a whopping 66.6% of PRs favoured the four letter word to its lengthier counterparts.

PCP went to interview Poll at its home in Ashford, Middlsex. After several unsuccessful attempts to get Poll to answer the door, we shouted through the letter box, only to receive the following reply: "F*** off! I'm busy inserting myself into a press release. And another. And another. Uh, yeah, you like that don't you press release? Say my name, *****. I'm Poll Daddy, *****!"

Trying another tack, PCP spoke with the slick and dashing Mayfair publicist, Max Cliffe. Cliffe said: "Survey has become a dirty word in this town. Poll has more mass appeal; your ordinary man on the street has a mental age of a 13 year old - we're talking 70% of the population, here. That's why X-factor is such a hit. It's a small word - like Sun, and Star and Mirra - and that means it's easy to read. Research, on the other had, is more high brow, yet much more credible. But the truth is, there isn't a publicist in town that knows how to wield it's awesome power. Or how to spell it."

Friday, December 01, 2006

Pop Culture Phrasebook offer: Mel Gibson available for racism workshops

Looking for a celeb to front anti-alcoholism, or racist campaigns? Then look no further than your friendly, neighbourhood Pop Culture Phrasebook. Thanks to an exlusive offer through our sister PR agency, the Pop Culture Reputations, Inc.*, we can exclusively offer you Mel Gibson available for any kind of brand work**.

You may have caught Mel advising Michael Richards - Kramer from Seinfeld - on how to recover from being caught making dodgy racist comments in public. Richards recently told two black hecklers in his stand-up audience that "50 years ago, we'd have you upside down with a ****ing fork in your ass," as this report attests. Racist Gibson said, "I like him," and said that "They'll probably torture him for a while and then let him go." Thankfully, this is ego-crazed celebrity racist Mel Gibson, so we know he's not being totally, utterly flip. Because he's a Hollywood star. With a major ego. That's-why.

The recovering alco-racist recently hit the headlines for his driving the "JP (Jewish Princess) Widow Maker-mobile" car around Hollywoodland whilst drunk out of his tiny, eggshell mind. He also made a series of anti-Semetic comments and was abusive to a couple of ever-saintly LAPD' cops. Luckily, the Catholic fundamentalist, Mel, apologised and has since made a full recovery: He's vowed never to apologise again for such racist remarks in public again without his fingers crossed behind his back.

So if anyone knows a thing or two about a thing or two, particularly is those things are racist, it's grandmaster (Grand Wizard? - Ed) Melly G and his furious bile. And that's why we're offering you this chance to not only get a major celebrity to endorse your campaigns, but one who knows all ab out being a dumb, drunken racist idiot. Word.***

*This is not a real agency
**Not strictly true
***Not, uh, a real article

Ordinary person visits Malawi, doesn't get any publicity

An ordinary Scottish woman who visited Malawi this month in bid to generate personal publicity, has today admitted spectacular failure.

Jean McCracken, a 50-year old widower and primary school teacher, had followed in the footsteps of celebrities who have made the PR pilgrimage to the poverty-stricken African country in a bid to start a media frenzy. However, the country, portrayed as a media hotspot, has failed to live up to the hype. As a result, Jean has spent weeks waiting for a press reporter and photograher swarm that has never appeared.

Speaking from an orphanage, where volunteer worker Jean was doing one of a clutch of daily tasks as volunteer, she said: "Malawi has been all over the media in the past month as one of the world's top destinations to go to get publicity, but so far I've had nothing. Evey day I see celebrities advertising it as easily the best place to raise their profile and gain public sympathy - people like Madonna, Brangelina, and Melinda Messenger. The attention that offers them untold fulfillment was meant to be within my reach. Well the PR around that country is nothing more than hype - I've been here a week and not done a single photocall. "

The Pop Culture Phrasebook caught up with leading publicist, Max Cliff, to offer Jean advice on how to turn this crushing negative into a positive. Max said: "How much are you paying?"

Meanwhile, non-celebrity Jean is stranded in a publicity vacuum. The non-celebrity is forced to busy herself with mundane, achingly meaningful tasks such as teaching orphans critical life skills and vital, basic educational skills. Rather than publicity, she has had to make do with little more than love, affection and appreciation and the empty feeling that comes from genuinely helping a suffering people.

Meanwhile, every day Jean remains tortured by the memory of the media frenzies in the country around celebrities like Madonna. The reptilian, ego-on-skeletal legs generated worldwide media coverage in a massive Malawian PR stunt. On her recent baby shopping trip, the singer attended a string of press-friendly photocalls in various, tribal villages. This included reading her failed children's book in English to Chichewa-speaking Aids orphans, and doing sexed-up dance routines from her latest world tour to children under the age of sexual consent, and her famous 'cruxifiction' routine, to staunchly Christian villagers.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Get 40% off good wine in time for Xmas

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on" - Dean Martin.

Hic. You like to drink wine, right? I like it too. Even more so when I can get top tipples for less. And that's just what you and I can do by clicking on the picture to the left, or download the better quality PDF here.

There's more to the voucher than meets the eye. Oh sure, you'll still get money off, so print away. However, there's a bit of a story behind it. Apparently, the brand's marketing men didn't intend for the 40% off voucher to speed its way around the interweb - but it has, and how. Rather than a few Thresher insiders knowing about the superb offer, now 1000s of outsiders doo, too. Like you. Like me. So it goes.

So get down to Threshers, grab a few cases, pour yourself a snifter, and check out the Gaping Void for the full story.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Smile - you're on sex camera

In the middle of writing some PR proposals for a new biz prospect. I'm developing a fashion photoshoot idea themed around making of a celebrity sex-tape. Called "The fall of celebrity", it should generate fashion magazine coverage. Particularly if we get the right snapper - someone like Terry Richardson or Ryan McGinley.

Don't know if the prospect will be up for it or not - it's risqué but fun. Either way, I've had some fun checking out some of my fave reality and gonzo style photography sites in the name of research. I'd like you to enjoy them, too so here are some links:

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Another day, another Lucy Pinder shoot

Working in consumer PR is really hard. Take today for instance. We had to get up, and hang out all day with sexy cover babe, Lucy Pinder, again. Yes, again. Spending time with her in the cab, at photoshoots, and hanging out with her at various lads mags. It's just not fair. Why can't we do interesting things like accounting or fixing computers?

Lucy is so hot that, apparently, she nearly turned a gay colleague of mine straight. Easy tiger. She also had the guys at Loaded, Maxim, Ice and new online mag Monkey going gaga.

Not only does she help sell more lads mags than any other girl nowadays (5-9% uplift) - A-list stars included - but she's an absolute joy to work with. She was even kind enough to record a video message (see grab, left) for my sister's kid, a lads mag/ueber babe fanatic .

I'm going to turn into a kind PR stalker by factoring Miss Pinder into every single client recommendation from now on. "You're launching a new product? Use Lucy." "You need a venue? Pick anywhere - just put Lucy in it." "You need a cab across town? Why not get Lucy to keep you company? I'll chaperone." She's great. And she's doing good things for my clients, too.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Leave the kids alone

Jim used to say "leave the kid alone". Jim used to take me to go-karts. Showed me how to roller skate. We used to make slides out of piles of matresses spewing out of the back of the truck he drove. Out of all of my sister's boyfriends, I liked Jim the most.

Not only was he generous with his time - he was generous with his spirit. Most of all, he respected me. And he urged others to. I was only 8.

Jim didn't have a degree, but he was smart enough and street-clever. He grasped what most adults failed to then and still fail to now: kids of any age crave and deserve respect.

And this was the very point that the lovely Michelle James, director of marketing for music charity, Music Youth, made at the Marketing Youth conference on Tuesday. Like most of the presentations I caught that day, Michelle's was full of utterly interesting information if not a thoroughly captivating delivery. That is, until she went off script - to express a very personal view of how Britain is treating it's children. Suddenly, she became far more engaging than any other speaker that day.

Michelle argued that, as a nation, we're starting to completely stop respecting our youth, with disastrous consequences. She should know.
Broadly, Michelle's charity works with extremely disadvantaged youth. Kids from broken homes, patchy educations, even ex-criminals. The one thing that each kid has in common, says Michelle, is that have all suffered from respect neglect. This is no tinpot issue. Forensic psychology long ago discovered the link between respect and crime.

Michelle argued that the media's awful, dramatic portrayal of all UK kids as "hoodie thugs" bent on wrecking Britain is become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Hell yeah, Michelle, finally someone said it. And at a marketing conference of all places. High five, girl.

Pick up any British newspaper, quality or tabliod, any day of the week, and you'll find them
screaming about some kind of impending social apocalypse - with teenage Brits cast as the four horsemen.

Take today's Daily Mail,for instance. "ASBO DEFAULTERS GET OFF SCOT-FREE", shrieked one headline. This scary-haired harridan of a newspaper neatly twisted statistics to make teens the focus of the story - ASBOs (Anti Social Behaviour Disorders) are neither exclusively handed out to teens, nor do they necessarily carry a jail sentence. Indeed, they're as likely to be issued to a Daily Mail reader letting their trees grow into a neighbouring garden as a teenager on a street corner. It wasn't the only Mail story ntoday to show such downright disrespect to nation's youth - as well as its own readers by manipulating the facts to such an extent.

According to the mid-market tabloid, a "68 YR OLD WOMAN KICKED OUT (of a restaurant) FOR WEARING A HOOD." It interviewed the woman, who claimed that she would “in no way call (her top) a hoodie”. The implication was that she was treated like a common thugish teenager - a second class citizen. Another Mail headline, still in today's paper shouted "BLAIR: CHILDREN NEED DISCIPLINE", while another lamented that it's now "OK 2 USE YXT ANSRS N XAMS". The latter article implies that teenagers themselves have relentlessly driven down the country's once-proud education standards.

More disturbingly, the Daily Mail wholelsale labels teenagers as "teenage tearaways", "yobs" and "teen thugs." It relentlessly implies that British youth is contaminating the country. Doesn't that sound a little like a syphilitic chap called Adolph a few years back? And this is the paper that informs, educates and entertains about 6 million Britons every day. Forget what we are teaching or kids for a moment, and consider this: what the hell are we teaching our adults?

Perhaps we should force all mail readers through a re-endoctrination scheme, developed by none other than Save The Hoodie campaigner, Lady Sovereign. At least until they agree to start respecting the massive chunk of the country's population that they continually diss. Peace, out!