skip to main |
skip to sidebar
The 'Golden Balls' of England's World Cup-losing rugby team has risen angel-like above the crude sturm and dram of the game once again. For against all the odds, during his team's defeat to new rugby world champs, South Africa, Johnny Wilinson left the pitch without a single bead of sweat, grass stain, muck patch, or scratch on him.
Such things are left to mere mortals - the other 29 players in each team.
Pictured left just after the final whistle of the rugby equivalent of a pitched battle, the pristine and unruffled England fly-half was photoshoot-ready, in sharp contrast to the vulgar opposition.
South Africa may have left the pitch world champs, but the sweetness of their victory was soured by their physical appearance. Unlike pretty boy Wilkinson, the Boks were a ghoulish patchwork of blood-spurting gashes, dark bruises and sweat-soaked matted hair. They were more warring primates than gentlemen rugby players.
To a man they smelled worse than a hostel of Glasgow tramps. And, where their once-pristine team kit wasn't splattered with their own blood, sweat and tears, it was stained almost beyond recognition with grass and muck. By winning such a prestigious match in such a disgraceful fashion, the Boks have brought shame on the delicate game of rugby. So thank Albion for Johnny and his one-man mission to bring the game out of the Dark Ages with his effortless - or even better, zero effort - grace. Some people argue that, with a kicking record as appaling as Johnny's, it's better to look like you've given it every last inch of energy to a match where fans paid the cost of a new car for a ticket. Those people are obviously neanderthals, whose vulgar protestations Johnny himself can breezily sweep aside; it wasn't his fault that he missed so many easy opportunities at goal, it was either the ball's, or an injury that he had the serene dignity to keep quiet about until some beastly journalist raised the ugly accusations.
A whopping 1% of dot com 'bubble era' techology businesses are still in business, according to a report released today by ACME research. A random sample of all dot-coms that received venture capital financing in 1999 encouragingly showed that only almost all of them (98.9 percent) were out of business five years later.
Senior Analyst with ACME research, Bob Sideshaw, commented: "This clearly shows that the doomsayers were crackpots. They were wrong to write off the booming dotcom businesses of the late nineties.
"With a massive 1% still going, there's irrefutable evidence that the bulk of these start-ups, profit or no profit, were smart bets for investors. Everyone blamed the economic downturn of 2000 onwards on technology - but those people are crazy.
LIZARD INVASION
"The real reason was that the Chinese sent in giant, flying lizards to infiltrate Western stock exchanges and fry the circuits. Their daily, unrelenting attacks sent markets haywire. It took us five long goddam years to get rid of the scaly brutes. But the media doesn't tell you that, in case you freak out. I mean, who wants to know that the gimcrack Chinese have trained flying lizards to attack our commercial centres? Not me, Buster."
BETTING SLIPS
With the technology sector currently experiencing a second massive boom, The PCP quizzed Sideshaw on the prospect of another economic meltdown. The analyst, who arranged to meet the PCP in a high street bookmakers, where he was knee deep in ripped up betting slips, said that the outlook was optimisitic for the technology sector.
Sideshaw said: "Where in tarnation did you get a wild idea like that? I'm betting everything on tech. You should, too. Bet the house! The wife and kids! Heck, bet your own sanity on the stuff.
BULL SHITS GOLD INGOTS
"Imagine the technology sector as a giant bull that's literally going to shit gold ingots for the next 100 years. Who wouldn't want to be in the tech bullring?" After lending Sideshaw £5 for a 'sure fire bet on a three-legged horse', our The PCP reporter made her excuses and left.
The 'Golden Balls' of England's World Cup-losing rugby team has risen angel-like above the crude sturm and dram of the game once again. 
