TINY TEENS TERRORISM THREAT

Children as young as 15 are among the "thousands of UK residents who pose a terror threat," according to the head of Britain's shady secret service, the MI5.

Upon hearing the news, the PCP sent a team to ask members of the public what they think.

After a detour via some specialist shops in Soho, we got these reactions:

Bert Rumplestiltskin, fruit and veg stall owner: "Finally something to reverse the perception that they're a shower of useless turds who layabout masturbating over video games all day."

Judy Trumpet-Smythe, harp tuner: "Every Halloween we get the same story - but you can avoid the little rascals terrorising you simply by stocking up on Celebrations and Haribo."

Mick Tramp, kebab magician: "Pick a kebab sir, any kebab. Now don't let me see it, sir. That's it. Now put it back in the pack sir. Now I'll shuffle the kebabs and - abrakebabra - is that your kebab, sir?