Britain finally has something to be proud of - it's #2 in Europe for crime and classified as a "high crime country".Narrowly missing out on the top spot to, what Jedi Knight, Obi Wan Kenobi, calls a "wretched hive of scum and villainy", Ireland, the UK has claimed silver medal in Europe's crime leagues.
The island nation had yesterday started a last minute countrywide crime spree in a bid to clinch first place, but failed to topple Ireland, a land populated almost exclusively by criminals.
100% pure British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, said that the nation should be proud of second place, but to try harder next year.
Today, as the British people crowded around TVs in their homes and crammed into pubs with big screens to see the results being announced, the Prime Minister gave the following address:
"People of Britain, we have done ourselves proud today. We have earned Europe's respect, and built a solid foundation to become the world's most criminal country. We have all done our bit. I have been a criminal. My illegal arms deals, wars and peerages for pals with cash have all contributed to our proud record in 2006. And Cherie has done her bit too, exploiting all the loop holes to help get me off the hook. I say to you: lets build on this success, and lets win that crime crown in 2007."
Since its empire has disintegrated, Britain has failed to come first at everything from sport to economics. However, these encouraging, new crime statistics offer hope to the British people, and many indeed help make the nation proud once again.
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